My Journey in Alanon

Though it was many years ago, I remember the moment vividly...the moment when I didn't just hear, but understood what it meant: "You can start your day over at any time." I felt a rush of relief, a release of fear and pressure, as if a heavy weight was lifted and replaced by deep peace. 

It was in this new-found freedom that a confidence took hold as I continued my journey in Alanon. I had been struggling with my husband's alcoholism, my desperate responses to it, the growing ugliness in my spirit and behavior. In Alanon, I learned to look at my part in a difficult situation, but perfectionism, anxiety and guilt over what I found overwhelmed me. But I kept going back to meetings, reading the supporting literature, picking up the phone to speak to others so as not to become isolated. Seeds were planted & my ears, heart & mind were slowly, steadily opening to receive the powerful wisdom of these several simple words: "You can start your day over at any time." 

I came to understand that nothing I had thought, said or done needed to maintain a strangle-hold on me, on my energy, time or emotional health. I could apologize for any harm I caused, I could pray for change and strength within me, I could take a step in another direction, I could do an anonymous good deed to get my attention off of myself...any/all of these could be done at any moment of any day to "start over".

A deep exhale, confidence in God's love and guidance, and the understanding that I can choose my responses...that's what I now use to start my day over whenever I need to. I cannot even begin to express how grateful I am for this incredible gift!